I’m Sure About The Letter “E.”
Most of the conversation segment of my morning was about my impending Doctor’s appointment. How exciting.
The appointment was with an “Ophthalmologist.” That is a word meaning: “Not a guy working at the Mall.” I was going to see him for a very good reason – my vision is starting to suck. Not all of it, just the part from about 2 ft. out to about 15 ft. Closer in and farther away I am seeing as well as a 71 year old Geezer with Astigmatism can be expected to see. I can find my way around town without a dog.
Being a good “Type A Personality” I showed up 20 minutes early for my appointment. That gave me time to fill out all of the obligatory and redundant paperwork that every medical office asks for. Surprisingly, right at 9:00 AM they called my name and the exam began.
I got my first glasses when I was six years old after the nuns at school sent me home with a note that read, “Little Johnnie can’t see worth a damn.” – Or words to that effect.
As far as the exam itself was going it seemed that nothing much had changed in the intervening 65 years.
“Which is better, number one or number two?”
“What is the farthest line down the chart that you can read?”
It was at that point that I decided to have a little fun with them. When asked which tiny line I could read I answered, “Made in Mexico.” All that got me was a look that called me a nasty name or two.
The very pleasant person who conducted the second part of my exam actually measured my eyes. It turns out that I have two different sized eyeballs. Who knew? I have different sized feet as well, but that’s never been a problem – a nuisance perhaps but nothing to get worked up about.
After all of the measuring, etc. she informed me that I was far-sighted in one eye and near-sighted in the other. That I knew. She also nailed me with two different batches of eye drops – one to dilate my eyes and the other to numb them. I didn’t like the sound of that. Numb my eyeballs? It worked. I didn’t feel a thing when she proceeded to actually poke me in the eyes.
When she finished the person I was really there to see, the Doctor, came into the room. He then went over all of the test results with me. Of course he also spent five minutes shining bright lights into my dilated eyes. It was like being in the front row at a Liberace Concert in 1978.
What the young Doctor told me was no surprise. I have cataracts and that will need to be
dealt with – but not today. The “When” is up to me. It can be done right away or I can wait. The impact of the cataracts in my eyes is a progressive thing. Right now it is a mild annoyance. When I feel that it has become an impediment that will be the time to act. I like that approach.
When I finally get around to having the surgery and move on with my life, I will still have to wear glasses because of the Astigmatism that affects both eyes. The Doctor informed me that they do have special lenses that would negate most of the Astigmatism. HOWEVER…those special lenses would cost an additional $1400 – $1800 per lens. Cataracts or not that doesn’t look good to me. I’ll just stick with my two different size eyeballs and a nice new pair of glasses. I’m just afraid that if I opted to fork over the three grand plus for the special lenses and no glasses afterward I might succumb to a lifetime reflex and accidently poke myself in the eye and mess up everything.
Until the time comes for me to have the Doctor put in some new lenses in my eyes I think that I’ll just get comfortable and skootch up my chair a little closer to the TV.