Can You Say “Sphygmomanometer?” I Knew You Could.
I have a new Thingamabob and it is sending me over the edge. I’m on the verge of buying a DIY Napalm kit just to get rid of it. But I can’t – Doctor’s Orders.
What I have done – under Doctor’s Orders – is purchase an At Home, Do It Yourself, Blood Pressure Monitor. The Doctor wants me to keep track of my Blood Pressure at home between visits.
I don’t know why because, when it comes to my BP, it is what it is and using the At home Gizmo is like peeking through the neighbor’s window: I can see what they are having for dinner, but I can’t actually invite myself in and pull up a chair. If I take my BP and the figures are good I can smile and get on with my day. If the numbers are not so good all I’ve done is upset myself and probably pushed the numbers a bit higher. In any case I can’t do much about it.
HOWEVER – being the easy going and compliant little puppy that I am – We, my wife, the lovely and commercially well informed, Dawn, and I began to look about at my options, do-hickeywise. In the modern lexicon “Options” means only one thing – Amazon.
Taking your own Blood Pressure must be a popular thing to do. Dawn typed in “Blood Pressure Monitors” and got 14, 593 results. There were countless pages of different whatchamacallits available. The prices ranged from Almost Nothing all the way up to “Raise your hands! This is a stick-up.”
Some of the thingamabobs were supposed to go on your arm, others on your wrist and one that you had to strap around your chest. That last one proudly boasted that it would measure your heartbeat as well. Well – they all do that without getting into a mild bondage thing.
Another option came with its very own Lavender colored Stethoscope – all for $19.98. For some reason I don’t have a lot of faith in that one. It had that “Susie Homemaker” look about it. I want something that looks more serious. After that one I fully expected to see a “Hello Kitty” model = Complete with its very own Sippy Cup.
Over all the real prices went from under ten bucks (low confidence level) up to over $150. The ten dollar unit will confirm that you are alive. The high-end gizmo also confirms that you are alive, but broke.
The unit that we eventually decided to purchase cost $38 and change, and had a large number of positive customer reviews. Of course, all of those reviews were written by people like me – not well and taking a variety of drugs.
I hope that the thingy is well made, but I have some fears about that. Reading in the fine print I learned that is produced for a Japanese company, manufactured in Vietnam, and the instructions are in both English and Spanish. The Guarantee is written in Pig Latin.
So, now the saga begins. I will comply with the Doctor’s request that I take my BP once a day and after two weeks bring the thingamabob into the office so they can see what it says and how its readings compare with what they get when the measure it in the office. Makes sense to me, I guess. What do I know, I’m just the patient?
OK, if you will excuse me now, I’m going to go study for my test.