Lost And Found

I LIKE TO CONSIDER MYSELF A PRETTY “WITH IT” KID OF GUY. I may not know where I am all of the time, but I’m never lost. I have my act together. Some people think I’ve lost my mind, but I think they are the crazy ones or they are family.

One thing that I don’t do very often is lose stuff. I try to not have too much stuff to begin with so there is less to keep track of. It’s a simple formula. There are people, however, who go around losing stuff all of the time.

A couple of years ago I wrote about finding a crutch on the street propped up against a light pole. How does one lose a crutch? It didn’t get to that street corner all by itself.

Many moons ago I worked in a big department store and their Lost and Found area was amazing. You could have furnished a home with the things that people left behind – not including their kids.

What brings this whole topic to mind is this picture. I didn’t put up that note and I’m not sure that I’d want to meet the person who did.

Who – I repeat who – loses their teeth while walking down the street? OK – maybe some drunken college student who picks a fight with the wrong person, but these are false teeth. Someone had to be conscious enough to put them in to start with. I doubt that they were stolen. There’s not much of a market for hot dentures. They have little or no resale value.

What condition must the owner of these choppers have been in to remove them and then just walk away not noticing that canyon next to his tongue? Looking at the configuration of the dentures I am led to believe that the owner has other problems as well. These fangs are placed in such a way to fill in some gaps. My first guess was that this guy had an act where he tried to catch a bullet in his teeth. If so, he wasn’t very good at it.

I do hope that the owner of the teeth walks past that pole, notices the sign and the baggie and says to himself/herself “I was wondering where I’d left those. Now I can go home and finish that corn.”

It has occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, those teeth belong to the same person who left that crutch at the other corner. If so, these could be symptoms of a bigger issue. God forbid that this forgetful person is a surgeon.

“Doctor! Doctor! Aren’t you going to sew up the patient?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Here’s a roll of Duct Tape. You do it. I forgot to finish my lunch. Has anybody seen my crutch?”

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