Down the Hall on Your Left

This site is a blog about what has been coasting through my consciousness lately. The things I post will be reflections that I see of the world around me. You may not agree with me or like what I say. In either case – you’ll get over it and I can live with it if it makes you unhappy. Please feel free to leave comments if you wish . All postings are: copyright 2014 – 2019

Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Film Stock

ELVIS HAS LEFT THE FOOD CHAIN! I have to admit that was the nastiest and most snarky comment I heard tossed around on the 16th, the 40th anniversary of Elvis shuffling off his mortal coil.

In a way that seemed to me to be more of a celebration of that event rather than a commemoration the TCM Channel ran 24 hours of nonstop Elvis movies. That is not an easy thing to deal with. I think looking up at the sun on acid while eating ghost peppers would be less difficult.

According to the IMDB (Internet Movie Data Base) Elvis made 31 movies, BUT the people at TV Guide say that he cranked out 34. How there can be that much of a discrepancy is beyond me. Of course, a lot of things are beyond me, i.e. MTV that doesn’t play any music.

Somebody somewhere is not being very careful with their numbers. My guess is that the IMDB is correct and the fine folks at TV Guide did their count on a Friday afternoon after a three martini lunch. “Did Elvis do a couple of sequels to ‘Clambake?'”

“Yes…No…Maybe. Go with Yes. Count them.”

To paraphrase “The King” himself who said something like, “I made too many movies and I’m not gonna make any more. Thank you. Thank you very much. S’cuse me now I’m going to the bathroom.” And that was that. He never came out of the bathroom and he never made another movie.

That’s me in the 37th row.

He stopped, but even I was in three movies. Back in the 60s I was in a crowd scene in the first Lemmon/ Matthau film, “The Fortune Cookie.” If you look real close you can see me. I’m the guy in the green jacket in the middle of that group of 10,000 people.

Back in the late 80s I was in a couple of incredibly low budget “Independent” films. In the movie Biz “Independent” means that nobody in their right mind would put up any money to produce the movie. Usually that is a very wise choice. THE IMDB doesn’t even acknowledge their existence. 

You know how some films, usually pretty bad ones, go “Straight to video” and never see the inside of a theater? Wellllll…my two ventures into Le Cinema skipped the video part and went “Straight to landfill.” Sensing that this was likely to be the fate of my work I made sure that I got paid in cash, in advance, and in small unmarked bills.

Both films were with the same “Director.” Since his money wasn’t rejected at the bank I worked for him a third time – same monetary requirements. The third time was a music video. Can you picture me, ol’ chubby, gimpy, galumphing me, in a music video? But it was cash.

This was a music video for a well known band (British) whose star faded after my appearance. For some reason I played a brain surgeon. I was in full surgical garb with only my eyes visible. What this had to do with anything I never did find out. I never saw the end product. The part I was in was filmed in Oakland, California and the part with the band was shot in England. I stood there for five hours, sweating like Rosie O’Donnell in the buffet line at Caesar’s Palace, and I don’t know if they used so much as one second of my great acting.

I’m just curious, but since I got paid in cash again…

Elvis is dead, I’m still kicking. Thank you. Thank you very much.

“Krafty has left the building!”

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2 thoughts on “Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Film Stock

  1. My Wife and I witnessed Elvis performing in Las Vegas years ago, when he was getting fa…..ah, heav……ah, chun……ah, never mind. And that’s all I’m saying in public. May he Rest In Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I doubt I have seen more than three Elvis movies. Lucky me. Never heard him perform, either.

    Like

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