Idioms, Idiots – Something Like That

SO, THESE ARE WHAT THEY CALL THE “DOG DAYS OF SUMMER.” Never having ever been a dog I cannot personally vouch for much beyond that statement. Unlike dogs, I can and do sweat, but instead of “like a dog” I sweat like a pig. Not pretty.

At least, that is the phrase – “He sweats like a pig.” I have to take that as truth because I have not managed to ever get all that close to a pig – sweating or otherwise, and I have no plans for the future in that area. Evidently though, someone at some time did get up close and personal with a pig, a sweaty one and told people about it.

“SWEAT LIKE A PIG” – “A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS” – “CUT THE MUSTARD” – “STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH” – “AT THE DROP OF A HAT”

These strange phrases come from somewhere. They don’t just show up in the mail.

“A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.”

I get it. I’ll pay you if you will tell me what you’re thinking. Obviously if I would be willing to only give you a Penny I must not think that your thoughts have much value. In my circle of acquaintances this “penny for your thoughts” thing would be considered fightin’ words. Offer me a Fiver or even a Travelers Cheque and we might strike up a deal, but if you are only willing to fork over a Penny- “Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up! (Apologies to Bert Lahr)

“HE DOESN’T CUT THE MUSTARD.”

Never in my life have I even tried to cut any kind of mustard. This colloquial phrase makes no sense at all to me. Mustard is spread, not cut – unless you leave the cap off of the jar and it dries out. Then I wouldn’t give you that Penny I just got for my thoughts for that mustard.

This whole mustard thing is kind of insulting anyway. It implies that you aren’t good enough. Who says? Some guy who goes around taking a knife to condiments? He is not to be trusted – and you can tell everybody that you got that straight from the horse’s mouth.

“STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH”

Hey! Wait one minute there! That is another one of those nonsensical phrases. If someone says that thing about a horse’s mouth I would be concerned. I’ve heard of a “Horse Whisperer” but that has to do with talking to the horse – not getting opinions and counseling from the horse. Unless, of course, the horse, of course, is the famous Mr. Ed.

If I knew somebody who spends their day having conversations with horses I would assume that they have been dipping into the liniment. I might talk to my dog or cat, but they don’t talk back. Actually, they tend to ignore me unless I’m using the can opener. Then they are right there at the drop of a hat.

“AT THE DROP OF A HAT”

Whoa, hold your horses, no matter what they say! Who is going around dropping hats? Not me!

The problem I have with dropping my hat is that I then have to bend over to pick it up and, at my age, that is not always an easy thing to do. I’ll drop a hot potato, but not my hat. I may even toss my hat into the ring, but I won’t drop it. OK?

I think it is time for me to let sleeping dogs lie because they are too hot and unable to sweat. I’m feeling dog tired myself. I won’t lie down with the dogs though, After all, I don’t want to get up with fleas.

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