Be Nice And Bring Money

IT TAKES A LOT TO MAKE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD. If you want to sit in a room that is really quiet just be there with 50 comedians who are listening to another comedian perform. Those 50 comedians will be nodding their heads or looking around the room, but they won’t be laughing. They are sitting there analyzing what they are hearing – tearing it apart down to the last molecule of wit. I’m kind of like that too. I’m not THAT bad, but something really has to set off an alarm to get me to guffaw and chortle. It is even harder to do if it is something in print. Then I’m really a tough audience.

I laughed out loud this morning.

I was sipping on my morning coffee and catching up on a few blogs that I follow.

Farsidetravel.net reports on distant lands and the goings on of the inhabitants and the people who may just be passing through. What got me was a posting about Life and Death in Singapore.

Singapore is a City-State, like Athens and Sparta in Ancient Greece, on the Malay Peninsula. Singapore is a commercial version of a Bugatti Veyron – a powerful financial engine that is run by a very small group of men. Men who want the city to look nice and move along smoothly, but if you cross them – they will kill you. Drug offences will get you hung. Those convicted, who don’t know which wheel to grease, will sway. If you do know the right people, then maybe you’ll walk free.

Singapore takes itself very seriously. Come to Singapore and bring your money, but if you chew gum on the streets – “You in a heap o’ trouble, Son.” Singapore has crafted itself to be less like a real city and more like a theme park.

What made me laugh was the description of Singapore as being, “Disneyland with the Death Penalty.”

Now, I don’t care who you are – That is funny.

The monstrous incongruity of such a description demands a reaction. I laughed out loud. Someone else might retch. Walt Disney would have filed a law suit.

I have never been to Singapore. The closest I have ever come is in Orange County, California – the home of Disneyland. By going to Disneyland instead of Singapore I figure that I’ve saved a lot of money, avoided some serious jet lag, and spared myself the pain and indignity of having my backside caned for chewing gum or making jokes bout the strange contradiction that is Singapore itself – an ultra-modern commercial crossroads and at the same time an archaic City-State structure run as if it was your cranky neighbor’s backyard.

“Come and do business here, but you kids stay off of my lawn.”

Singapore seems to be like the old joke about the farmer with the beautiful daughter:

“You can sleep here, stranger, but if you try to get funny with my daughter, I’ll get out my shotgun.”

Maybe someday I should go to Singapore just to see it all for myself. I will behave myself. I will avoid anything that would get my butt in the wringer. I can be very docile and able to go along to get along.

I’ve known saints and I’ve known people who, by their own admission, belonged on Death Row. Like them both, when needed, I can maintain a very low profile.

Yes, I think I’d like to see that part of the world. I will just have to remember to leave the “Juicy Fruit” at home.

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