We Was Ambushed
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I’D BE ABLE TO SAY THIS, BUT – Fabio, the Italian, hyper-virile Supermodel and I have something in common – aside from being tall, handsome, sexy and posing for the covers of those bodice-ripping Romance novels.
We have both had run-ins with large birds.
Fabio had his up close and personal encounter while riding on a roller coaster during a publicity photo shoot. It was a head-on collision with a duck that left him dazed and bloodied. Fabio survived. The duck did not.
Last Sunday I had a collision with a full-grown Canada Goose. I survived. The goose – I’m not so sure. I fared better than Fabio. He was in an open roller coaster car. I was in the conveniently four-door Toyota.
Details: I and my wife, the lovely and now poultry-phobic, Dawn, were heading off to meet with some friends for brunch. We were driving down the road here in Terre Haute (That’s French for “Duck!”) when, all of a proverbial sudden, two large and low flying geese flew right into the right side of the car. Needless to say this scared both the Heebies and the Jeebies out of us.
Terre Haute is apparently a very popular habitat for these large birds. They are everywhere and, typical of geese generally, they have a bad attitude and will dispute what part of the world is their turf and what part is for humans. I think that geese belong in two places; up in the sky or in the oven, but not playing demolition derby with cars.
Driving along, minding my own business, nicely dressed, bathed, and looking forward to a nice meal with friends – then through no fault of my own, I am ensnared in a possible avian international incident.
Like any good and responsible Hautian driver who hits a goose – I didn’t stop. I did look in the rearview mirror to see if there were any large and dead critters on the pavement. There was nothing. I must have bounced him/her/it right back into the roadside brush.
What were these birds doing there in the first place? I don’t know. The nearest pond was a good ¼ of a mile away. Strange as it may seem I think that these geese were playing chicken with the traffic. Not a good idea.
Goose – 15 pounds
Toyota – 2800 pounds
Do the Math
No matter how you work it the goose loses…unless the windows were down on the Toyota. If that had been the case we would have taken the geese to brunch.
I’ve hit animals before – who hasn’t? Squirrels, Possum, the odd raccoon or two, even other, smaller birds, but putting the hurt on a full blown adult Canada Goose is something else. When it hit the side of the car it sounded like a cannon going off. It sounded “serious.”
When we got to our destination we inspected the car for any damages. I expected there to be a large dent with a few feathers stuck to it, and maybe some goose liver, but there was nothing – not a dent, not a scratch. I was glad because I was wondering how I was going to explain this to the insurance company. “You see, I had a collision with a large migratory bird.”
I don’t know if these birds are considered an “Endangered Species” or not, but I don’t see much of a future for them if they are going to continue to play in traffic and fly at an altitude of three feet.