Not Just Another Holiday
Today is National Lost Sock Memorial Day.
This is a time to scratch our heads and wonder, “Where in the heck is the other sock?”
We have all spent time with our heads stuck in the dryer looking for the mate to the orphan sock we are holding in our hand. That other sock was there when we started the dryer, but now…
I’m sure that this is not a phenomenon of the Industrial Age. Some ambitious Anthropologist should do a study and I’d wager that it would be discovered that “Missing Sock Syndrome” goes back to the Dawn of Time – or at least to the Dawn of Socks which I’m sure predates the Dawn of Washing Machines, the Dawn of Laundromats, and the Dawn of my wife, the lovely and perfectly matched, Dawn.
I can almost see the diorama in some museum depicting Laundry Day in Cave Dweller Days with someone down at the creek slapping their duds on a flat rock as they look around for their missing Mastodon skin Argyle socks. “It was there a minute ago, but…”
The enduring mystery surrounding the missing socks, and the inspiration for this National Holiday, is where do all of those socks go? They couldn’t just vanish into thin air – or could they? Hmmm?
One popular theory has it that the spinning of the dryer creates a vortex (What a great all-purpose word.) that opens a Black Hole in Space/Time that sucks a sock into its maw and spits it out into an alternate dimension – another universe (Like California, for example.)
Our missing socks materialize inside the dryers at the other end of the vortex and confuse the heck out of the people there. If my calculations are correct today is National Extra Sock Memorial Day in these alternate laundries.
So, here we are today up to our folding tables in left behind socks – orphans that, cleverly enough, have spawned two industries that employ thousands of people.
1) The Mismatched Sock Fashion Trend. I’ve written about that before, a year or so ago. The hottest thing in some circles is to wear socks that deliberately do not match.
2) The other employer of lost socks is the creative enterprise that makes Sock Puppets. My first exposure to them goes back to the early days of Television and “Kukla, Fran, and Ollie.” (Under 60? Look it up.)
The Sock Puppet gig really hit the big-time with “Shari Lewis and Lambchop.” – The Sock Puppet being “Lambchop.” The sock puppet was for the kids and the excuse for daddy to check out cutie-pie Shari Lewis.
Alas, Kukla, Fran, and Ollie and Shari Lewis are all gone and Lambchop unraveled some time back in the early 1980s. Today’s sock puppets lack the style and panache of those earlier creatures. The current dryer load of sock puppets look more like, well, socks. Lost socks that are reduced to begging for attention.
I ask you all to take a moment today to remember those socks that we once had and enjoyed. Socks that have disappeared and gone to that Great Sock Drawer in the Sky.
Reach down and pull ‘em up today in honor of all those missing socks. Today – “National Lost Sock Memorial Day.”