I Do Not Have Any Answers Before Coffee
FOR SOME REASON BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION the people on Facebook are in a philosophical mood this morning.
Facebook? Philosophical? Two words I never think of being in the same sentence.
I crawled down the street to St. Arbucks, turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was not another cute cat picture or a snapshot of somebody’s breakfast, but someone asking the Universe a question.
“What if it is my destiny to be alone?”
It is 6:45 AM and this person was wrestling with himself and he has his psyche in a Sleeper hold. Within a couple of minutes people are logging in to give him answers that are really just the human equivalent of scratching a dog behind the ears.
“Life is mysterious.”
“If you are meant to be alone you will thrive.”
“I’m sure there is someone for you.”
They all sounded like they were quoting something from Hallmark. I have trouble with that approach to life when I’m in a good mood, but when I haven’t had my coffee and my feet hurt, No! I cannot answer this guy sounding like a high school guidance counselor on drugs.
I focused my eyes and punched in my own pep talk reply.
“If you are alone you can leave the toilet seat up whenever you want.”
The flow of greeting card platitudes stopped cold. For a good five minutes nobody else said anything. Either Facebook had gone down or everyone was dialing 911 for their lonely and angst-ridden friend. Or maybe everyone logged off and went out for pancakes.
After a few more minutes they started up again. Someone actually “liked” my contribution. What’s not to like about it? It is realistic, and true. But most of the comments coming in continued to be sugary.
The guy was feeling blue and noticed that everything in his home was in exactly the same place it was yesterday, last week and last month. He didn’t have to say, “Now where did I leave my pen?” It hit him that being alone was not what he liked or wanted. It did not feel right to him.
Pardon me, but at 6:45 in the morning it is too early in the day for me to provide serious advice. I’m still trying to stabilize my heartbeat and other vital signs. At 6:45 AM my comment about the toilet seat was about as deep as I was going to get. Before my morning coffee I have trouble analyzing the philosophical complexity of socks. No way could I deal with this guy’s life crises. If I hadn’t had a few sips to open my eyes I might have told him to rent “Thelma and Louise” and then go for a long drive.
I got a little support from another respondent a few minutes after my posting. He was not as genteel and supportive as I was. His total answer was two words: “Stupid Question.” My guess is that he needed more coffee than me to wake up.
I do hope that the guy who was feeling lonely can find an answer to his dilemma. I doubt that he will find it on Facebook.
Maybe he should log in to My Space.
The toilet seat thing…..I’ve been thinking on that, at least for the last 20 seconds or so. That up-seat wouldn’t work if that had been a herself instead of himself. But, herself could leave the seat down all day, I guess. Unless, the herself was actually a himself.
I’ll have to get back to you on that. You’ve made my head hurt.
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You make me laugh, thanks, John. ☺☺☺
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I so enjoy your stories!!
And that is why I write them .