Rooty, Tooty, Point And Shooty
1) Sky Diving
2) Space Travel
The first two are pretty obvious, but the third can be downright deadly.
About a month ago in the town of Decatur, Illinois the pancakes went flat at the local IHOP when some customers became a bit unruly and the Manager stepped in to make everything Fresh and Fruity once more.
Rather than be diplomatic and act as a peacemaker he pulled out his own personal Special of the Day – a locked and loaded handgun. One shot was fired and everything settled down – at least until the police arrived – and arrested the Manager.
My guess is that the 26 year old Manager was out sick the day the Training Class at Pancake University covered the “Don’t Shoot at the Customers” module.
The first news story I saw about this referred to the young shooter as “The IHOP Manager.” A follow-up story, five days later, amended their copy to “Former IHOP Manager,” There’s a shocker for you.
Things must really have gotten ugly at the Pancake House to cause it to escalate to gunplay. Did they run out of Blueberry Syrup? Was the Short Stack a little too short? Or did one of the customers make some derogatory remarks about an old friend of mine, the legendary “Hi! I’m Cliff from IHOP.”
Fortunately no one was injured during the fracas, except maybe, the “Former Manager’s” chances of finding another job in the restaurant biz. Perhaps he will be able to pick up some new job skills during his visit to “The Gray Bar Hotel.” Maybe the authorities will put him to work in the prison kitchen – also known as the IBHOP – the International Big House of Pancakes.
He has been charged with whatever firing a gun over breakfast is called by the courts – and – being in possession of a firearm when you are already a convicted felon (a stolen gun at that), and using buttermilk beyond its expiration date.
Up until I saw the news story about this most upsetting incident I had thought that the only possible deadly danger that could occur at breakfast was reheating leftover Mexican food. I’ve done that and the results are not pretty – colorful, yes, but not pretty.
Further investigation reported that there was another shooting at another Illinois IHOP the next day. I may have to change my eating plans for an upcoming visit to Illinois. Either that or take along my Kevlar Lobster Bib for protection. I don’t want to have to go out for breakfast and worry about gunfire and other violent unrest. If I wanted that I would just say, “Let’s all go to the Waffle House!”