Throwback Thursday from March 2016 – “Dialogue With A Daschund”
Dialogue With A Daschund
HAVE YOU EVER TALKED WITH A DOG?
I mean, sat down and had a face to muzzle conversation with a dog? If you have you know that it doesn’t take long to see that, aside from their name, and a word or two like “bacon,” or “down,” they really don’t know what you’re talking about. The movement of your lips might keep their eyes focused on you, but deep down you know that nothing is really getting through.
I get that same feeling when I try speaking with some people.
When I’m talking with someone behind the counter at the Post Office about holding our mail while we are away, it takes about 30 seconds before I get the feeling that I’m dealing with a Basset Hound. Their head begins to tilt and they look lost.
If I tell the counterperson at Burger King that I don’t want cheese on my Whopper, I might as well be trying to explain it all to our neighbor’s dog who loves to howl at every passing siren that he hears.
The reason I bring this up is that I plan on calling the local newspaper to cancel our subscription (there are a number of reasons why) and I’m fearful that I’ll have better luck if I just go to the Animal Shelter, and cut out the middleman.
The last time I had to talk to someone at the newspaper I was sure that I could hear, “Who Let the Dogs Out,” playing in the background.
I think that I’ll have to go to their offices to take care of this in person. Perhaps I should take along a few doggie treats or a tennis ball. It might help.
You see – there is one very basic hurdle when dealing with our newspaper – Language. It gives them trouble. Trying to explain to them that I wish to cancel our subscription might be too much for them to understand. It might just send them over the edge.
It’s not that they aren’t nice people. I’m tempted to scratch them behind the ears. It’s just that getting them to actually listen, understand and then carry out simple instructions is like trying to get a Chihuahua to master driving a stick shift Chevy.
I like dogs. I really do. It’s just that I’d rather not have to deal with them when they have computer access. They get distracted and forget why they logged on to begin with. I think that may be how “Candy Crush” was invented. Some Schnauzer was trying to arrange for a home loan, lost track when he got to figuring out interest rates, and ended up inviting everyone on Facebook to join him. That may also be why so many dogs have substandard housing.
So, in the next few days, I will venture forth in an attempt to stop them from leaving their newspaper. We don’t want to return from Ireland after seven weeks to find a mountain of soggy Tribune-Stars piled up in the front yard. That may happen anyway, but I must try.
I’m just glad that I’ll be dealing with demi-dogs and not cats. While dogs might look blankly at me and then scratch themselves, cats might attack and scratch me.
Wish me luck.
Down the Hall on Your Left 
One Spring my Wife, I, and our two kids ventured to Florida to visit Family. I called and ask the paper to be discontinued while we were gone. A pleasant voice at the News Office assured me it would be done. When we returned there were papers scattered all over the front porch, in the bushes in front of the porch, and a few on the front lawn. Before entering the house we checked all around it to make sure it had not been broken in to. Fortunately, it hadn’t, but the front lawn and porch sent out a clear message that no-one was home!
Now what aggravated me the most was the question this arose at the time. Are not these Delivery Folks (boys, girls, men, women) not smart enough to see after a couple of days, we were not home??!! Were they not smart enough to figure something was amiss??!! Did they have to have “orders” from “headquarters” before stopping delivery??!! At the least they should have been smart enough to figure the whole family was laying on the floor inside, murdered!! Maybe even called the Gestapo!
I called and cancelled that paper to that same pleasant voice that had assured me no more papers until we returned. No apology – no “we won’t charge you for that time” – no explanation – nothing.
Haven’t taken the paper since.
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