I Don’t Need That At 6 AM
THE WORLD IS PICKING ON ME TODAY. It’s just not fair and I want it to stop. Everything is conspiring to make me feel old. OK. So I am old, I just don’t like having my nose rubbed in it like a misbehaving puppy.
First thing this morning, and I am still sitting on the edge of the bed trying to figure out which foot is my left one, when the early morning local news hits me with a cheap shot.
They were doing a story about one of the local colleges – Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. Rose, as it is called, is considered the finest engineering school in the country year after year. The knuckle sandwich to my soul came when the News Reader said that going to Rose costs about $60K a year. How does that make me feel like Methuselah? Because my freshman year of college at the illustrious Geneva College in Western Pennsylvania was a whopping $900. That hurt. Want to make a guy feel older than dirt; just remind him how cheap things used to be.
“Why I remember when bread was 18 cents a loaf and gasoline?…Why they used to pay us 25 cents a gallon just to take it off their hands!”
I felt myself slipping into Geezer Mode before I even had my shoes on. Can’t I have my coffee before I get bushwhacked by Reality? Apparently not.
After I finished stacking up my “Keep the Codger ticking” meds for the day and promising to myself to never again eat leftover Mexican food for breakfast, I slouched down the street to St. Arbucks. They like me there. They won’t make me feel Neolithic.
Sorry, but they took out both of my emotional kneecaps in one swell foop.
I stumbled up to the counter and, before I could grunt and point to what I wanted, the barista smiled and told me that it was her birthday. “I’m 22 today.” I don’t recall having asked her about that, but she just kneed me in my ego anyway. All I could croak in response was, “Good God, I have shirts older than you.” I could feel my arteries hardening.
Go ahead; kick me when I’m down. First the tuition business, then the perky 22 year old. After that all I’ll need today to finish me off would be to open the mailbox and find some junk mail from a cemetery.
I don’t know if it’s the weather with its constant chilling effects or what, but some days I feel ancient. Was my memory playing tricks on me or did I actually write all of my schoolwork with a sharp stick on clay tablets? I know that I still have a written book report where all my “S”’s look like “F”s.
Time flies and it flies like a drunken butterfly.