The Hermit Ventures Forth

THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS ALREADY. Up early to try to get in some writing, then coffee time at St. Arbucks, a trip to the pharmacy, and then to the bank, and to the everpresent Kroger.

What will be on the agenda for after 10 AM remains to be seen, but I’m not terribly hopeful?

And why all of this crammed into the early morning? Why not spread it out over the whole day or even a couple of days? The answer to that is unfortunately simple – it is too darn cold. When it gets down into the single digit range I am magically transformed into a fully accredited hermit. I don’t start wearing wild goat skins and eating locusts. I opt for sweaters and Mexican food. Easier to clean and locusts don’t microwave well.

Today the Weather Bunny on Channel Two says that it is already 22 degrees and will soar up to a balmy 24. I can’t justify being a hermit any longer. I really wouldn’t mind staying in my cave until the temperature gets up to about 75, but we need food and I have yet another appointment with another M.D. If I miss my appointment he assumes that I’m dead. I’m not. Lots of people already think I’m dead – mainly because I haven’t sent out any Christmas cards in a couple of decades.

I really do need to get to the pharmacy. I’m getting low on a couple of meds that keep me from bursting into flames, and/or song. Either of those can be painful, even deadly.

We are not even to the middle of Winter yet, according to the calendar but I am sick and tired of it. We just went through a four day stretch when the temps never made it to 20 degrees. I grant you that it would be worse in Minnesota or North Dakota, but we are not in Minnesota or North Dakota, are we?

As I listened to the Weather Bunny this morning, while it was still dark outside, she was promising that within the next week or so we would be basking in temperatures near 60 degrees. Break out the hot pants and Ray-Bans!

So, as long as things begin to moderate and the squirrels in the yard start to thaw out, I can muster the courage to go out and run errands and do chores. I can be courageous if I dress properly. Dawn says I need to wear layers to stay warm. I think that three or four layers of sweatshirts plus a couple of those herbal handwarmer thingys that hunters use really do the trick. Two pairs of socks and two microwaved chimichangas help me to survive. Of course I look like the Michelin Man, but at least I’m passably warm. All I’m missing are mittens and a note from my mother explaining my absence.

I know that Spring and Summer will be here eventually and I’ll forget about all of this cold weather nonsense. I will break out my Hawaiian Shirts and gad about town with the car windows down. My outlook on Life will improve as the mercury in the thermometer rises. Give me 90 degrees and I can be positively cheerful. Throw in a good Baseball game and I will be the friend of all children and small creatures. Right now, however, I am not very gregarious or convivial. In fact, in Winters like this one I’m a close relative of those statues on Easter Island.

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