Down the Hall on Your Left

This site is a blog about what has been coasting through my consciousness lately. The things I post will be reflections that I see of the world around me. You may not agree with me or like what I say. In either case – you’ll get over it and I can live with it if it makes you unhappy. Please feel free to leave comments if you wish . All postings are: copyright 2014 – 2019

Let’s All Go To Electric Avenue

tesla7IT IS ONE DEGREE BELOW ZERO, BUT I NEED MY COFFEE. I allow nothing to get in the way. At least that’s what I tell myself.

When I arrived at St. Arbucks at about 7:30 AM several of the Usual Suspects were already there, sick fools that they are. Didn’t they know it was freezing out there?

Even in the middle of an Arctic Blast Cold Front I order iced coffee. I just can’t take my meds with hot coffee. Its Science meets Coffee.

This particular morning it was Coffee meets Exotic Cars.

We were sitting there sipping and discussing Baseball (What else?) when an unusual looking tesla1car pulled into a parking slot right outside our window.

“What kind of car is that?” asked a Suspect.

“I think that is a Tesla,” I said. “But it doesn’t look like one I’ve ever seen,”

The driver looked to be a man about 50 years old. As he was getting some sugar for his coffee I spoke up.

“Excuse me, but is that a Tesla?” He looked up from his coffee.

“Yes, it is. A ‘Model X.’ It’s a brand new model.”

I never knew, and he never said so, but for the next ten minutes this Tesla driver gave us more information about his car than any salesman on the showroom floor would have. I suspected that he might be just that.

My initial impression of this new car (only a month old we were told.) was that it bore too much of a resemblance to the old Pontiac Aztek – perhaps the ugliest vehicle ever designed. But this was an Aztek with all of the latest shaky technology. You can take an ugly car, add an electric power plant and gull wing doors, and you have an ugly car that comes with an optional 5 mile long extension cord.

Not really, but it does come with a price tag that snuggles up to 100K.

tesla3We asked the Tesla rep what kind of mileage he gets before he has to plug it in to recharge. He said that officially it got 300 miles between charges, but reality took it only 140 miles – unless he turned off the radio. Then he could milk it up to 240 miles. I thought to myself that, given the temperature outside, if the Tesla had a functioning heater he might get about three blocks before needing to plug it in.

Mr. Tesla’s cheerleader gave us a bit of a show when he took out his key fob, pushed a button, and the two rear gull wing doors lifted up, ready for flight. It would have been more impressive if the front doors had done the same, but they open up just like the doors on a used Fiat. Most unattractive on a car lacking a Flux Capacitor.

He repeated that his Tesla was a brand new model. I think he did so to tesla4calm my concerns about the older Teslas that had the unfortunate quirk of bursting into flames with unpredictable regularily.

Given the fact that his insurance premium was about 50% higher than a conventional car of equal value I think that the Tesla is the gentleman’s expensive toy and mobile conversation piece. It is ugly, impractical, and perfect for someone who doesn’t like to travel far from home. For the same amount of money I could do a lot better – Even buying a nifty car and lunch for all of the Usual Suspects.

It was not even 8 AM when he silently pulled the Tesla out into traffic and disappeared. I certainly didn’t think we would have entertainment at that hour. No cover charge, but it did have a two drink minimum.


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4 thoughts on “Let’s All Go To Electric Avenue

  1. A delightful and hilarious explaination of a man having a Mid Life Crisis. It will keep me smiling all day today. :o)))))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good, Johnnie. But, I don’t like those electric vehicles. ‘Course I don’t know much about them. Just read what people say about them… today. I wonder if the convenience of how they operate and, save money (?), outweighs all the other electric extras, minus a good heater and air-conditioner which has to deflate the power in Winter and Summer for the result of ~ less mileage.


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