Coming Up Shorts
I THINK THERE IS A STRANGE EPIDEMIC GOING AROUND. People seem to be losing stuff at a furious rate.
Not long ago I and my wife, the lovely and non-clumsy, Dawn, were driving along Route 40 in Illinois and we noticed something sitting by the side of the road – a very nice and expensive office chair.
Seeing that chair, lost and abandoned out there, was a bit of a surprise. Most of the stuff by the side of the road is little more than trash, or Fiats.
In just the last few weeks I have seem mattresses, a coffee table, several TVs, and, of course – shoes. I never see a pair of shoes, just one at a time. Perhaps the other shoe has disappeared into that other dimension of space/time – where lost socks go on laundry day.
I can understand how some of these things turn up along the road – kids in the back seat get bored and – out goes a shoe. Such kids don’t think ahead. That car ride is going to end and only then do those kids realize why shoes come in pairs.
Other things like mattresses, tables, and that nice office chair probably bounced off a truck, but shoes? That has to be deliberate. Shoes just don’t magically fly out of a car window on their own.
Which brings me to my Point du Jour.
The other day I pulled into the parking lot at the Kroger store. We were in desperate need of both Orange Juice and frozen Chimichangas. I inched the Toyota into a Gimp Spot (AKA Handicapped Parking Space), opened the door and stepped out. That was when my world sprouted a very large Question Mark.
Sitting there on the blue stripe next to the car was a pair of Men’s Boxer Shorts.
How does one accidentally lose their shorts in the Kroger parking lot? There has to be an answer.
I looked around, but saw no one who seemed to have made a sudden decision to go “Commando.” It was a chilly day and it would have been obvious. How could this have happened? If it was accidental and they somehow slipped off it would serve to confirm my decision to go with briefs rather than boxers.
After much thought and consultation with Dawn, over some OJ and Chimichangas, I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t want to know the how and why the boxer shorts came to be there next to my car. I could come up with some logical explanations I’m sure, but I’m afraid that the real reason might be more disturbing than I can handle after eating frozen Mexican food. Some mysteries are best unsolved.
Do we really need to trap a Bigfoot? Do we need to know if UFOs are real? Do we really need to know why Vin Diesel has a career in movies? Of course not, and life as we know it can continue if we never learn why some fellow thought that his life would be better if he dropped his shorts in the Kroger parking lot.
🙂 I, too, have seen many an item along side the road, even in Mall parking lots (never at Krogers), but I’ve not seen or found a pair of boxer shorts!
🙂 Briefs, yes……but no boxers.
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Then I assume that the shorts were not yours.