Our Legal System At Work
SOME PEOPLE NEED TO GET OUT MORE OFTEN, and others need to just stay home. I was scanning the newspaper the other day and saw a small item about a lawsuit underway in California.
There is a chap out there in the Golden State, a lawyer himself, who is suing Krispy Kreme Donuts. It seems that he became royally upset with the donut chain when he learned that his Chocolate Iced Raspberry Donut did not have any real Raspberries in it.
Oh, the humanity!
Wait until he learns that The Golden Arches are not really made of gold. He may just faint away.
Lord knows that the court system isn’t clogged enough dealing with
The Donut in Question
serious issues – like a woman spilling hot coffee on herself while driving and then suing the place that sold her the coffee, or the fellow who was suing for his “right” to marry his television. Now this guy is going to court over his breakfast.
I’m betting that this fellow has the complete set of DVDs of the “Twilight” movies. Just a guess on that, but don’t tell him that it’s not a Ken Burns’ documentary.
As silly as this Case of The Disappointing Donut Eater may be, and he sure is that, what kind of lawyer would agree to represent this other lawyer and file the lawsuit? I’d love to have been a fly on the wall during their conference on this. I bet it would sound like a scene from an old “Bowery Boys” movie.
They are asking for five million dollars in damages.
How many donuts does this guy eat?
According to the legal brief the plaintiff is arguing that the not really raspberry donuts are “Nutritionally Inferior.”
No #@%!, Sherlock?
I sincerely doubt that there are too many people who go to Krispy Kreme as part of their vegan health food regimen. Apparently, this guy, The Party of the First Part, is hoping to convince a judge and jury that part of his Workout Program is Pumping Donuts.
Despite all of this rancor, the plaintiff is hedging his bets on this by inserting a “Never Mind” clause in his complaint. He has said that, no matter how his suit goes, he intends to continue visiting Krispy Kreme and buying the same “Nutritionally Inferior” donuts.
What? Huh? If that’s the case why are you suing them for five million bucks if you are admitting that the “Damages” are essentially self-inflicted?
It appears that this “Kiss and Make up” clause is in there because the idiot is afraid that Krispy Kreme is going to be a bit upset by all of this and might 86 him from their stores. Isn’t that like divorcing your spouse and then still wanting to come by for Sunday dinner?
My personal desire in this affair is to have the judge hear this fool plead his case, and then step down from the bench, cross the room, and slap both lawyers silly – and then go back to his bench and hold them both in Contempt of Court.
When I first read this story I figured that it was really about a terrible lawyer trying to get some publicity, and hopefully some nuisance settlement cash. Nothing has happened to change my mind.
My only advice to this clown is that he, “Better Call Saul.”
Down the Hall on Your Left 