The Good, The Bad, And The So-So
Everybody has those little slices of life where they excel and others where they stink like the next morning in a fraternity house. No matter how hard we try to master a certain skill it evades us.
I can’t shuffle a deck of cards to save my life. Because of that deficit in my skills bank I have never been employed in a casino as a dealer. I was once approached by a casino to work as an emcee/warm-up act. I didn’t get that job either. I think maybe they heard I couldn’t shuffle cards and it took the glow off of my charm and wit. I dunno.
While I can’t shuffle the cards I am somewhat adept at most card games. I think my ability, experience, and training for the stage help there. I’m a good bluffer.
I’m a “good” eater – too good – some people say. Being such a good eater has other skills that come with the territory at which I am not so good. I am no better than “so-so” when it comes to dieting, and I’m downright “lousy” about exercising. I can’t ride a bike. I stink at walking, and I flat out refuse to engage in calisthenics.
To quote Clint Eastwood in one of his “Dirty Harry” movies: “A man’s got to know his limitations.”
I’m a good driver – very good, if I say so myself. I used to drive competitively a few decades ago in Sports Car Road Rallies. My partner in that and I weren’t very successful, but we were good enough to finish each event alive and able to crawl home. Yup, I’m a good driver, but I can’t swim.
- I didn’t want to learn to swim
- When I was a mere tyke I fell into a lake and almost drowned (see #1).
- Having only one functional arm I could only swim in circles.
The whole swimming escapade was a disaster waiting to happen. Water and I do not mix well. Think of me as an oil slick on the ocean of life.
In preparation for writing this I made a list of those skills in which I am “Good,” those skills that I am “Bad” at, and a middle ground I called “So-So.” When I finished I saw that the list of my “Good” skills was noticeably shorter than either the “Bad” or the “So-So.” I could come up with only six “Goods, while “Bad” came to nine, and “So-So” added up to seven.
I’m not going to go into detail on what is on what list. I don’t need help in embarrassing myself in public any more than I do. But I’ll let you guess.
Under which heading do you think “Crocheting” might fall? Or “Sarcasm?” What about my skill at styling hair into a Ponytail? How many of you think that I know how to fly an airplane?
I will acknowledge that two skills I have never been able to master are playing the piano and juggling. Lucky for me neither skill ever showed up on any aptitude test or during a job interview. Although during one interview I was asked if I knew how to write funny songs. Of course, I said yes.