Here We Go Again
If you have been following this blog for any length of time you might be familiar with my problems with the local Terre Haute (That’s French for, “Someday I’ll learn to read.”) newspaper, the “Tribune-Star.”
My relationship with the Tribune-Star has more sore spots than a Chihuahua beset by a swarm of bees.
The “Trib-Star,” after even a cursory reading, would impress you as a failed attempt to put out a newspaper by and for illiterates. I think it holds the world’s record for most typos and other errors in one issue. Sometimes they will have a story running on the front page, and then they’ll ask the reader to turn to page eight to continue reading – only when you get to page eight – there is no story to continue with.
I could forgive all of their stylistic and logic errors – chalking them up to carelessness or as an object lesson on the dangers of drinking and typing, but they just don’t know when to quit.
Let me explain.
For various reasons, my wife, the lovely and uber-literate, Dawn, and I have been traveling a lot this year. Trying to get the Trib-Star to stop their daily delivery while we were gone proved to be a major bugaboo for them. When I would call their office and request that they stop delivery they would cheerfully make note and assure me that everything would be fine. The flaw in this became apparent when we would return to find Trib-Stars strewn across our front lawn like Condor droppings. That is not only some serious littering it is also an invitation to Terre Haute’s legion of Meth Heads to stop by our house for some Midnight Shopping.
After the last episode of their ineptitude we cancelled our subscription completely. Stop it. No more. We quit. Go away.
I actually went down to their offices to do this and it still took twenty minutes for them to understand that, “We don’t want your paper no mo’.”
For a while things were quiet and peaceful, but in the last week we have been getting phone calls from the Trib-Star asking us to reconsider – at a significant discount – and start delivery again. I’ve told them, “No” as politely as possible. I really am a civilized human being who tries to be patient and understanding, but these people are pushing the limits of my medication.
So, tomorrow morning I will have to go downtown to return their bundle to them. I will try to explain to them – again – that we do not want their newspaper. That we can get more accurate and readable information from the back of a cereal box. I will try – again – to help them comprehend that when they throw their paper on our lawn it constitutes littering – a misdemeanor – and that, if this continues, it will become a police matter.
I really doubt that the parents of the young person who delivers their paper would appreciate seeing their child arrested. I’m pretty sure that, if that happens, the parents will sue the Trib-Star for turning their child into a criminal.
A reader of this blog suggested that it would be nice if our local newspaper carried my writings as a regular column.