With Six You Get Shotgun
THIS IS GONNA UPSET SOME PEOPLE. You’ll get over it.
About ten days ago there was a one-man mini crime wave here in Terre Haute (That’s French for, “No Soup For You!). This escapade lasted about twelve very strange hours and I have no intention of mentioning the name of the Lone Derangeder in all this. Let him remain that way.
Let’s start at the chronological beginning: About 4 AM on a dark street on the south side of town. Our lead character gets into an argument with an acquaintance (I hesitate to say “friend.”). Words were exchanged accompanied by feral growling and posing, and then they both went on their merry ways. Shortly thereafter, however, our Idiot catches up to Acquaintance #1 and proceeds to inflict multiple stab wounds into his back. The “stabee” will recover according to the police.
The Police are now entering the picture. The “stabber” is identified and is now being actively sought by just about everybody. What does “Mr. Knife Guy” do? He goes home and changes clothes. This I can understand. I always change after every assault with a deadly weapon.
At about 11:15 AM, a bit early for me, but a good way to beat the lunch crowd, and our freshly clad felon drops by the “China Garden” – a small neighborhood, family run, café. I’ve been there and I go in with an appetite. Our Non-Mensa candidate goes in with a shotgun. He points it at the person behind the counter. He gets a bag of cash – to go. I would have asked for some Beef Lo Mein myself, but I don’t own a shotgun.
Not satisfied with how his day is going what does he do now? Of course – he goes home and changes clothes again. (Why he wasn’t nabbed by the Police at this point makes me scratch my bulbous head, but…)
After getting into a new outfit I think that he must have regretted not getting something to eat at the China Garden. Not wanting to wear out his welcome, he changed course and stopped at a small coffee shop called, “Zoops,” a nice place to get a latte and pastry. That shotgun pointed at the owner really turned the mood into a real bummer.
One stabbing, two armed robberies, some cash, but no lunch.
By this time warrants had been issued and everybody and their cousin was now looking under almost every rock in town. It looks like the only place they kept failing to check was this Armed Bozo’s residence. We know this because he went back home and changed into another outfit – something more appropriate for the evening.
It seems that at some point he also walked into a gas station mini-mart with his shotgun, but changed his mind instead of his shirt, and walked out.
We now move forward to just before 5 PM. At some point between his stop at “Zoops” and 5 PM our little statistic connected with a female friend who had a car. I guess he was tired of walking from one scene of the crime to the next scene of the crime.
A few minutes before 5 PM, one of Terre Haute’s Finest spotted our Locally Most Wanted and friend and pulled up behind their car. The officer turned on every light he had and started to approach the car. It was at this point the Big Dummy’s failure to get anything to eat during his robberies caught up with him. Famished, he ate the only thing he had – the business end of his shotgun. The female driver was wounded and the upholstery in the car was ruined. End of chase.
One person stabbed, two shop keepers threatened and robbed, one friend injured and traumatized, one Police Officer who had to approach the car, make a report, and then go home to his family.
I feel sorry for those people. They had a horrible day. Beyond that – things worked out.