And The Winning Numbers Aren’t !
ALONG WITH MILLIONS OF OTHERS WE CAN SAY THAT WE DIDN’T WIN THE LOTTERY.
One and a half billion dollars – whew! What a pile.
We did have a ticket and the way I figured it our odds were 50/50 – we either would win it or we wouldn’t. That didn’t help much.
Some other folks won the jackpot, so the pressure is off. Let those other guys deal with all the attorneys and accountants. Let them figure out what to do with all of those previously unknown relatives that will be popping up like mushrooms after a rain. I hope they can feed them all. I recommend casseroles.
Not winning the lottery has its benefits too.
- No more long lines at the Mini-Mart when I stop by for a Dr. Pepper and a fruit pie. I won’t have to stand in line behind seventeen lottery hopefuls trying to divine the winning numbers from their friends in the UFO.
- No more staying up late to watch the appallingly untalented relatives of Lottery Officials as they pluck the winning ping pong balls from the modified leaf blower machine.
Seriously, they could have had a cattle-call audition among only dead people and gotten a better grade of talent. There is one young man pulling the numbers who, I swear, behaves like he is channeling William Shatner at his scenery-chewing worst.
“Now! For the NEXT number! Three! Scotty, beam me up number THIRTY-SEVEN!” This kid needs to have his meds adjusted.
- Not winning relieves us from the onus of having to make some very difficult decisions. Should we have our “Getaway Mansion” in Palm Beach, or in Boca Raton, or maybe Molokai? The whole idea behind a “Getaway” is to not have it filled with other people – the ones you are trying to “Get away from.” Having it on an island known for a leper colony might not be a bad choice.
Recent history has shown that big lottery jackpot winners turn up in bankruptcy court surprisingly often.
With a jackpot of 1.5 billion dollars I think that, even with ineptitude of biblical proportions, it would take us several hundred years to burn through that much cash. Even buying tons of North Korean Government Bonds would eat up only a portion of the money.
About the only way I can think of that would devour that much cash would be to invest in a professional sports franchise. Want to lose money at warp speed? Buy a chunk of the LA Dodgers. You’d see your bank balance drop faster than heads at a Saudi execution. TIP: invest in Hoverboards before pushing money down the rat hole of a sports team.
No, I think that we actually came out ahead of the game by not winning the lottery jackpot. We don’t have all those decisions to make, or shysters to deal with.
Let’s face it – you win big money and start mixing it up with lawyers and accountants, you are little more than a wounded tuna sitting down to dinner with a school of sharks – and guess what’s on the menu?
Down the Hall on Your Left 
Another exceptionally good piece, John. But…..still wish I would win one of those. Just one million, or even half of that, would go a looooong way.
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