What’s Wrong With This Picture?
ANSWER: EVERYTHING.
Our car was stolen last night.
During the night some knucklehead, with a key, got into the car and took it out of our driveway. I noticed it was gone this morning at about 8:15 AM.
I called the Terre Haute Police Dept. and spent 11 minutes and 24 seconds listening to a fine man try to type my information, one finger at a time. After that I really needed my morning coffee. So, I headed to St. Arbucks for a sip and a prayer. I used the SUV that my wife, the lovely and as mystified as I, Dawn, drives.
I ordered my usual and before I could even sit down – my phone rang.
It was the Police – they had located the missing car, sitting in a field about 15 miles south of Terre Haute (That’s French for, “I need a ride at 4 AM to an empty field.”).
I told Dawn immediately and we headed down to the impromptu parking lot to check out what was left of our Toyota.
When we got there I was stunned. Aside from some mud, there was no damage to the vehicle.
BUT!!!!
Our friendly car thief left behind an odd collection of things that I guess he no longer wanted. Things like:
The receipt for a recent oil change in his vehicle – complete with name and address.
His empty money clip (with his engraved initials).
A few Alan Jackson CDs. Sorry, Alan. You’ve been jilted in favor of my meager collection of B’way Shows, Irish tunes, Hawaiian Music, and a couple of obscure jazz singers.
He must have spent the evening test driving different cars.
There were also a couple of keys, one of which was labeled, “Mom.”
She must be so proud of her little boy.
Our Master Felon also took my 10 year old XM portable radio that is now rendered inoperable after one phone call. Street Value – Approximately: a buck and a quarter if you throw in a buck in cash.
The only thing that I will really miss is my “Gimp Ticket” – my handicapped parking placard that hangs from the mirror. I can get that replaced in about twenty minutes.
I took all of this detritus of an empty mind to the TH Police Dept. HQ, where they bagged it up, looked serious while trying not to laugh, and agreed that the only thing the jackass didn’t leave behind was a snapshot of himself.
One curious element in all this is that our Charter Member of the Not-Mensa Club is that – he had a key. He left that behind in the car too. He had a key, made at Walmart, that opened the door and started the ignition.
I’d now like to leave a personal message to “Dwayne.”
Dear Dwayne,
I now know more about you than you know about me. I haven’t listed everything you left behind in my car. The Devil is in the details, Dwayne.
I doubt that you will ever read this blog, or anything else above the level of an “Archie and Veronica” comic book, but on the off chance that you know someone who can read, they can pass along the following message.
“Dwayne – I’m coming for you. Have a nice day.”
Down the Hall on Your Left 
A person that has something personal taken by thieves out of the home, or a vehicle taken from the drive-way, still cannot shake off that “We’ve been violated” feeling. No matter how you try. Glad you got the vehicle back. Many don’t, or if they do have it recovered, as you know, it’s can’t be driven for one reason or another.
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All in all, it’s only stuff.
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Yes, it is “only stuff”. THIS time. Hope there are no more times, but if there is it could be home entry. Be safe.
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Glad VCSO could be of service. Quick question wise one, you wrote, “He left that behind in the car too. He had a key, made at Walmart, that opened the door and started the ignition.” Was it ‘ He’ or “We” that had the key made at Walmart – if its “We” I think you may have stumbled into a new and true urban legend and crime tip – don’t leave your keys unattended at Walmart when you get one made. P.S. That where your oil changes occur? They’d have your address……..
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We didn’t have a key made. And truth, we didn’t try the key we found in the seat to see if it worked. The very nice fellow from VCSO may have tried it, but we don’t know.
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HO LEE COW! What a weird and terrific story! The stupidity of people blows my mind sometimes. I’m wondering if he was just a drunk stumbling around maybe… But then, he’d have to stumble up the drive and towards the back of the lot. But stranger things have happened. You didn’t leave it out on the street did you?
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The car was parked and locked in the back.
I have a new theory…
This guy works for ASCAP. His job is the Redistribution of CDs. He left all the Alan Jackson CDs with me and took mine to be left with someone else. Its just a theory.
A neighbor had their car broken into the same night.
I will post updates as they come to mind.
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