Down the Hall on Your Left

This site is a blog about what has been coasting through my consciousness lately. The things I post will be reflections that I see of the world around me. You may not agree with me or like what I say. In either case – you’ll get over it and I can live with it if it makes you unhappy. Please feel free to leave comments if you wish . All postings are: copyright 2014 – 2019

Thank God For The Snack Bar

Sams Club crowdSOME DAYS YOU HAVE TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY SHORTS, grit your teeth and go into the eye of the storm. I did that yesterday. I made a conscious choice and, of my own volition, went into Sam’s Club.

Sam’s Club, the wholesale, really big box version of Wal-Mart, turns into a battlefield this time of year. By this time of year I mean that, while it is still early November for you and me, for Sam’s it is almost Christmas Eve. They are in full-tilt Christmas Shopping mode.

I went there to pick up a variety of items, none that would fall into the “gift” category. You might say that the blister pack of AA batteries could be a gift, but that would be a stretch. Nobody I know gives 16oz paper coffee to-go cups on Christmas morning. (Hmmm…now that I think about it… I do know a few who might do that, but the restraining orders are still in place, so…)

The parking lot at Sam’s was busy – it always is – but today must have been a special “Gimps Get a Free Gift Day” at Sam’s. Every gimp spot in the parking lot was filled. (Before you get bent out of shape – that’s what I call “Handicapped Parking” spots. Get over it.)

When I walked into the store I was met by the obligatory Centenarian checking to be sure I had a Sam’s ID card. Where do they find the people who are that old? I admit that they make me feel like an18 year old being carded at the liquor store, so that’s a kind of positive greeting.

It took me a while to work my way to the far side of the store. The crowds pushing their shopping carts and the extra display aisles made navigation a chore. The School/Office Supply Aisle was gone – replaced by a display of enough chocolate goodies to cause the entire Midwest to have an acne outbreak.

Eventually I did find everything on my shopping list and I headed toward the checkout area. The last time I saw that many people standing in a line they were waiting to get the free Salk polio vaccine shots in the 1950s. There was no way around it all, so I just resigned myself to the wait and prayed that I wouldn’t need to go to the Men’s Room.

When things are that hectic, I find it amazing that the cashiers can still manage to smile at the customers. I’m not saying I have any evidence, but if I was in charge I would have the cashiers blow into the Breathalyzer before their shift. I couldn’t be that cheerful without either pharmaceutical or vintner’s assistance.

Sam’s has a lot of stuff you can’t get in your standard supermarket – like containers of mustard large enough to be a War Crime – and huge cartons of Ramen Noodles that would feed most college students well into their Junior year. But I think most people really go there because of the Snack Bar. I know I do.

It is impossible for me to visit Sam’s without stopping at the Snack Bar for a large slice of pizza or a hot dog, accompanied by the 32oz soda of my choice, all for $1.82. Best bargain lunch in town – even better if you start off by snagging the free samples of sausages, biscuits, and quiches from the ladies stationed by the frozen food aisles.

Trips to Sam’s can be a bit chaotic. Some of the customers get overly aggressive, pushing their carts like snow plows. I just want to get in, get the things I’m looking for, and get out alive. I don’t think of shopping as a competitive sport like some people do.

Give me my coffee cups, my batteries and a slice of pizza and let me get out of there. Even if I have to walk to the far end of the parking lot because every other gimp in town is there shopping.

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One thought on “Thank God For The Snack Bar

  1. “containers of mustard large enough to be a War Crime”

    Ha! We’ve found Saddam’s WMD!

    Liked by 1 person

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