Baby, It’s Cold Outside…And Inside
SOME DAYS I THINK I AM SO FAR OUT OF THE LOOP that I am in an alternate universe. Today is one of those days.
One of the Usual Suspects handed me a clipping from last Sunday’s paper about a popular therapy being used on athletes to help them heal quicker:“Cryotherapy.”
We’re not talking about putting an icepack on your head to sooth a headache. Nope. We’re talking some serious cold here.
Here is a short quote from one outfit involved in Cryotherapy.
“Whole body cryotherapy is the exposure of a person’s skin to temperatures of -150 to – 170 degrees Celsius (- 238 to – 274 degrees Fahrenheit) for a short time (3 minutes or less). At this extreme temperature, the body activates several mechanisms that have significant long-term medical and cosmetic benefits…”
“…the body activates several mechanisms…” I never really thought of screaming in pain and crying in quite that way, but who am I to argue with Science?
If my knee is hurting I would think that cooling it down to 274 degrees below zero would, indeed, make the pain go away. I’m afraid that it would also make my knee go away. Frozen chicken wings never get that cold.
“The extreme cold exposure causes to the body to turn up its metabolic rate in order to produce heat.
Unless I am mistaken that is also known as “trying to not die.”
“Patients furthermore experience a noticeable increase in libido, lending to the use of cryotherapy for ED and other sexual disorders.”
I always thought a cold shower had the opposite effect.
The concept of Cryogenics goes back aways. My first knowledge of it has to do with the idea of freezing a freshly dead body so that, in the future, if cures are found for what killed him or her, they could be thawed out, cured, and sent on their merry way. Urban legend has it that Walt Disney is on ice in the Sleeping Beauty Castle at Disneyland in California. There is also the report that baseball legend Ted Williams is currently perched next to a frozen leg of lamb somewhere. I do understand that he opted for a bargain plan and just had his head frozen. If this actually proves to work, and Walt and Ted make a comeback, it is really going to play havoc with things like wills and inheritances. It would also put some teeth into any “Lifetime Guarantees” out there.
The article that I read spoke of freezing just injured body parts for short periods of time. Supposedly, it promotes healing, perks up cellular tissue and keeps the athletes away from strip club parking lots at three in the morning – at least until they thaw out and get reloaded.
This therapeutic process is already being used in the NFL on football injuries and after listening to a number player post-game interviews I think we can feel sure that they are using Cryotherapy to treat concussions. I swear some of those guys are showing signs of freezer burn.
I admit it – I am not a person who likes cold weather. When the thermometer drops below 70 degrees I break out my woolens and my thermal undies.
I’ve been to all sorts of doctors and had surgery to correct orthopedic problems, but… There is no way that anyone, Doctor or not, is going to convince me to allow myself to be turned into a Popsicle.
“Absolute Zero” is the temperature when all molecular motion ceases. That temperature is Minus 459.67 degrees, Fahrenheit. What actually happens to matter at that point is unknown. My theory is that you get hired as a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers.
Down the Hall on Your Left 