Grumble, Grumble, Mutiny, Mutiny, Mumble, Mumble
MY OFFICE IS CROWDED TODAY. Of course, “my office,” also doubles as a corner table in the Starbucks a few blocks from home. I can usually shut out the hubbub and foot traffic around me, but today, for some reason, it is all getting on my nerves.
Most of the people in here at this time of day are college students. This location sits almost exactly halfway between two schools. On most days they have their noses deeply buried in either textbooks or computers, but not today. Today must be a day after they have gotten their grades or test scores back. It sounds like they all did well.
Rather than studying the majority are socializing (read: putting the moves on somebody) and trying to look and sound like they can read and write in cursive. I’m seeing short hair being combed and patted to keep it in place and long hair being tossed and flipped, almost as punctuation marks.
Me? I’m huddled in the corner, in my third choice location, trying to fight the urge to become verbally sarcastic and curmudgeonly. I’m usually a polite and gentle soul who generates an aura of fluffy clouds, puppy kisses and unicorns. Today, however, I’m closer to lightning bolts, Black Mamba bites and a herd of T-Rexes.
I think that a combination of factors have moved me from the Sunny Beach with a Mojito up into the Clock Tower with a deer rifle. I’m just talking mood-wise here, folks. There is no need to call in the SWAT Team.
The weather is starting to suck, my back is killing me, there is no baseball until spring, and these students are just annoying enough to push me over the edge into Grouch City.
I know that none of these are really good reasons for me to plot the overthrow of Civilization and my installation as Supreme Emperor with unlimited power and perpetual possession of the TV remote and a guaranteed parking space no matter where we go. But they’ll do for now.
As I look around my realm I see that the herd is thinning out. Most of the students are leaving. Either they have classes to go to or my powers of Psycho-kinesis are getting stronger and my ironclad thoughts have moved them all to the Rest Stop out on the Interstate. I don’t care which it is, but it worked.
I know what you are thinking. You are sitting at your computer and thinking, “Dang, this guy is really on a downer today. Maybe I should send him some cash.”
No? It was worth a try.
I guess that for today I am just the Homo Sapiens equivalent of that Grumpy Cat, without the marketing deals. I promise that tomorrow I will spring back into my jovial, mildly witty and unthreatening geezer self. But that is tomorrow. I just think that for the rest of today I may roll around and wallow in my snotty opinion of the world.
Global warming? I could use a little of that today. El Nino? Where’s your big brother, “El Tonto?” ISIS? I’ve got your ISIS right here – and the camel you rode in on.
There – I feel better already.