Redefining “Justifiable Homicide”

WE’VE ALL SEEN THIS ON THE INTERNET: “Some people are alive strictly because it’s illegal to kill them.”

Ain’t it the truth?

We have all met the people who fall into that sub-category of “Organic matter with shoes” – in traffic, at work, at the airport, and certainly online. It seems to me that there are more and more of them every day.

Perhaps it is time to take action.

Now, I realize that there is the “Geezer Factor” to consider – that state of mind that causes old guys like me to yell, “You kids get off my lawn!” even when there are no kids around. But discounting that I still think that the number of “SABIITKT” – Strictly Alive Because It’s Illegal To Kill Them – has grown. Take a walk through your local Wal-Mart and then tell me I’m wrong.

I may be in error, but I seem to recall the Dalai Lama say something along the lines of, “Some people make me so mad I could just go Postal and give them one upside their head.” Now, I admit that that is a paraphrase and it might not be completely accurate. Of course, in Tibet, “Going Postal” on someone might have a different meaning.

I know that there are some folks who look upon the idea of stretching the concept of “justifiable homicide” with horror, or at least a fervent “tsk, tsk, tsk.” I don’t.

I want to include people such as those who drive like they are the only ones on the road. You know – the clowns who think that their car didn’t come with turn signals so they never use them or that red light at the intersection means “time for a nap.”

Or those idiots who insist on sending Facebook pictures of everything they eat.

Newsflash: Nobody gives a rat’s patoot that you had a taco salad for lunch!

(Now pausing to take my blood pressure meds. Om…..Om….Om. Going to my Happy Place)

For just a moment, let’s think of the positive benefits of expanding the legal boundaries of “justifiable homicide” to deal with the SABIITKT.

1. If we could get all of the idiots off the road there would be less congestion and also a number of additional parking spaces would open up at the Mall. (The Mall tends to be where a number of these fools like to congregate.)
2. Huge positive healthcare benefits – as the number of people with Hypertension plummets. The big pharmaceutical companies might not be happy about that, but – ask me if I care.
3. The complete elimination of all of the truly dumb “reality” TV shows on the air as the producers and “idea men” at the networks are quickly picked off. This means that the Weather Channel can get back to just giving us the weather and MTV can, once again, play music – something it hasn’t done for several years.
4. Infomercials would all but disappear.

Just think of how much more pleasant the world would be.

I do understand that a proposal such as mine would meet with resistance – mainly from those people who picture themselves as being SABIITKT. I don’t think it will be easy to get an Imprimatur on this concept.

My guess is that this won’t happen until we have a complete societal gridlock, a government unwilling and unable to do anything correctly, and a legal system turned in upon itself like a Mobius Strip where Right is Wrong, Up is Down, and Yes means No.

In other words – about six to eight weeks.

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