I Don’t Remember It That Way
THIS MORNING WHEN I ARRIVED at St. Arbucks for the 9 AM vespers/brewing I was surprised to see that five of the Usual Suspects were already there and engaged in a serious conversation. I just slipped into a chair at the rear of the classroom and listened.
The main topic seemed to be various television series they have been watching. Some have been tuned into “Texas Rising” on the History Channel and others have been watching something about General Custer and his famous “Last Stand” at Little Big Horn.
Trying to follow both threads was not easy, not having watched either of the programs myself. If what I was hearing was correct then I have to assume that actual History has been taking a beating from the two TV series.
Nothing new there.
At the Alamo: Either there were no survivors – or there were several people who lived to tell the story.
At Little Big Horn: Either General Custer did, or did not, have repeating rifles and the Sioux either did, or did not, have them as well.
As the retelling of what the TV shows presented continued I became more and more confused. The reviews I have seen about the “Texas Rising” series have roundly ripped it a new one for not only massaging the truth, but, using the fact that Texas exists and jumping off from there into a fantasy world about it all.
I must be honest and say that having the Usual Suspects as reporters makes me quiver in my Crocs, but it is all I have to go on.
Example: I seriously doubt that Sam Houston was the founder of Alamo Rent-a-Car.
When I pointed out that I was finding their reportage a bit sketchy it was like throwing pork chops in front of a pack of dingoes. They doubted that I knew what I was talking about, historically speaking. After all, my only sources were my wife, the lovely and Native born Texan, Dawn, and my recollections of Disney’s 1950s “Davy Crockett” Super-Fad producing saga.
I should have known better. Even admitting to a scintilla of questionable memory on my part allowed them to start fabricating “facts” from the “Texas Rising” show just to see my reaction.
Example: There is no way that I can accept their assertion that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders put in an appearance at the Alamo to root for Sam Houston, Davy Crockett, and the rest of them. That is just too much for me to swallow.
I’ve checked the schedule and the Cowboys were in Green Bay that week so the Cheerleaders could not have been in San Antonio!
This back and forth perverse Siskel & Ebert critiquing of these two shows went on for a good hour and I finally had to accept that they were all playing “Where’s Waldo” with reality. I half expected that Giorgio dude from “Ancient Aliens” (The guy with the “Bride of Frankenstein” hair) to come through the door and show “proof” that it was Aliens who wiped out General Custer at Little Big Horn.
“Sitting Bull was not from North Dakota, but from Alpha Centauri.”
The whole conversation fell apart when one of the Suspects, I can’t remember who, detonated a verbal IED when he said, “Maybe it was Debbie Does Little Big Horn?”
Seriously – where can you go after that?
I went and got a refill on my coffee, the former Marine went home to wash his truck, the retired teacher went golfing, his wife left to play Mahjong and Mr. Cake went to talk to the Fed Ex Delivery Guy.
Some days just end like that.