I Will Not Carpool With Her
SOME PEOPLE YOU TAKE an instant liking to – with others it goes in the other direction. I have taken an instant disliking to one Jennifer Yi of Brandon, Florida. I’ve never met her and I hope that I never will.
Why such a snap decision on Ms. Yi? Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she has recently picked up 3 – count ‘em – 3 DUI arrests in a period of 6 days. Yup. That’s the reason I don’t like her and will never carpool with her.
Jennifer, who works for Coca Cola when she is not in handcuffs, was pulled over on April 30, 2015 at 5 PM. She refused to take a BAC or urine test and was carted off to the Graybar Hotel. She made bail and was deemed sober enough to be released at 8 AM on May 1, 2015.
I guess in an effort to drown her sorrows and/or shame she failed to show up for work and went bar hopping. A few hours later, on the same day, she was arrested again.
“I don’t need no stinking BAC tests.”
Back in Stony Lonesome until 3:37 AM when she made bail again and was poured behind the wheel of her car. Happy Motoring!
I think the fact that she was able to successfully inset the key into the ignition was quite remarkable.
Now comes the spooky mystery part of this tale.
To where did she disappear for the next three days? Did she sober up and go to the dog track? Did she pull into a parking garage and sleep it off at $1.50 per half hour? Did Space Aliens abduct her to do a battery of nasty tests that would make the BAC seem like a walk in the park? (On second thought let’s not go there. We’ll leave that to the History Channel.)
Nobody knows where she went until, miraculously she reappeared, at 12:45 AM just a few doors from her home. This time her arrest was for DUI “with property damage,” which means she probably ran over the neighbor’s pink flamingo lawn ornaments.
I’m sure that it was just a formality, but she again refused to be BAC tested.
I mean, really now …
If it drives like a duck, slurs its speech like a duck and pukes in the gutter like a duck – it’s Jennifer Yi.
Finally, the Night Court judge who surely must have recognized her by now, ordered her held without bail.
Ms. Yi is now trying to figure which of the 12 steps she should tackle first. I would suggest Step Number 0.1: Learning how to lie down on the cell floor without holding on.
I find the fact that she managed to both drink and drive with such bodacious audacity disturbing, but how she did it without killing herself or anyone else is to be commended in a twisted NASCAR sort of way.
How the Night Court could justify letting her go twice in less than 24 hours is what I find truly appalling.
676 people were killed by drunk drivers in Florida in 2013. I’m curious how many of those drunk drivers had passed through that judge’s courtroom on their way to the scene of the crime.
In a similar story out of Southern California – a fellow there managed to get his 3 DUIs in only 5 days.
I think there should be a court order barring these two people from ever meeting.