A Guy Can’t Have Too Many
Every day I see men coming into St. Arbucks for a cool drink after they have been out running (ugh). They all seem to have either an updated version of a fanny pack or something Velcro’ed around an arm or leg to hold their wallet. The one thing they don’t seem to have is – pockets.
I could not live without my pockets.
If I were to go out without a requisite number of pockets I would feel like I was going out without my pants – and nobody wants me to do that.
I have a lot of stuff whenever I venture forth into the world. I have my wallet and keys of course, but I can’t leave home without at least three pens and a pad of 3 X 5 Post-it-Notes. God forbid I get an idea and have to write it on a paper napkin or my arm. I usually have an assortment of other knick-knacks, Meds, notes, shopping lists and a book or two with me. I need more pockets!
Anthropologists say that the discovery of fire or the wheel was the greatest advancement in early mankind. I would suggest it was “The Pocket.”
Without “The Pocket” our ancient, heavily brow-ridged ancestors would have had no place to put their flints and stone tools as they moved from the Rift Valley out to the far reaches of Malibu and St. Arbucks. Do you think that King Tut didn’t have a pocket for stashing his fake beard while playing “Pin the Tail on the Slave?”
Without my pockets I could not function in this world. What would I do with all my stuff while I’m typing this on my computer – dump it into my coffee? Sacrilege – on several levels.
How many pockets do I need? How many breaths do I need?
First off I have to deduct any pockets on my left side. I can’t reach them so they are useless.
I have the right side and right back pockets in my pants. I try to wear shirts that have a breast pocket, but most sweatshirts don’t have any. My solution is either a hoodie with a large front pocket, or some sort of vest. The “reversible” kind of vest works best because I can get a couple of extras that way.
Right now it is about 85 degrees out. I’m wearing a Hawaiian shirt (1 pocket) and wearing a vest that is handy, but it is a bit warm. In another few weeks I will have to find another, lighter weight, solution or accept terminally sweaty pits.
I’ve tried one of those photographer’s vests with 75 little pockets. That was like giving Crack to a junkie. I started carrying everything around with me. If the refrigerator would have fit…
I’ll find something. A quick trip to the Rural King store might do it. They have a wide assortment of unusual stuff… and free popcorn. It is also the only place I have ever been that sells Pig Ears (Don’t ask).
Until then…I am “Pocket Man” and my superpower is that I always have a pen and paper handy if you need to jot down something.