Has Anybody Seen The Olives?
AS I’VE MENTIONED here before, my neighborhood Kroger supermarket has been undergoing a massive remodeling in an effort to keep up with a brand new competitor opening nearby. All in all, I am in favor of this, but I think it has gotten out of hand.
An unavoidable byproduct of all this remodeling is that everything has been moved around to new locations inside the store. I’m easily confused as it is, and I get lost much too often. Move a chair two feet to the left and I think I’m in the wrong house.
I knew that the “New and Improved” Kroger was going to be a problem as soon as I entered the store. What used to be the Deli Dept. was now looking more like the jungles of Sumatra. They had put an expanded Floral Dept. right inside the door. It took me several minutes to weave my way through the flowery maze, pushing my cart with a wobbly wheel. Left. Left. Left.. I didn’t want to go to the right anyway.
I had come into the store to get some sugar-free Kool-Whip. Is that too much to ask for? It wasn’t where it used to be – by the frozen fruit and the ice cream. No. No. No. They had it one aisle over tucked in next to the Chicken Pot Pies. I guess that made sense to someone.
I remember that early on in the remodeling there was actually a store employee wearing a crimson vest that read, “Customer Tour Guide.” She hasn’t been seen in weeks.
Barring her return, I suggest that Kroger put small maps on each shopping cart. “Ritz Crackers are at map coordinates G17 at R37 – right next to the Nasal Spray and the Won-Ton Wrappers.” It’s either that or start selling bags of cookie crumbs that we can drop in the aisles so we can find our way back to the front of the store. By that time, of course, we’ll be paying for empty bags, but at least we’ll get back to our families before the Holidays.
This morning in the Kroger I turned on my cellular phone and tried the GPS App. It told me I was near the peanut butter. I already knew that. I could see the stacks of jars, but it couldn’t tell me where the jelly was. Lord knows where it might be. I never did find it, but, then again, I didn’t look in the fresh seafood case.
I understand that they have revamped the store to be more competitive – fine. But unless they can makes shopping there less of “Ramar of the Jungle” meets “Survivor – Terre Haute” (that’s French for “I can’t find the tortillas”), it ain’t gonna work.
Until then, I’m going to do my shopping at the Marathon gas station mini-mart. Less hassle and I can get off-brand potato chips there for 89 cents.