But Wait! There’s More!
IS IT ALMOST CHRISTMAS AGAIN? It must be because our mailbox is crammed with catalogs every day. Catalogs from places we’ve never heard of are arriving at a dizzying pace and almost all of them go straight into the recycle bin.
Most of them are rather mundane, selling the same junk as the other catalogs. We get lots of catalogs for clothing, a bunch for computer and Smartphone accessories, cookware, fruits, steaks, classes, candy, buy a goat for an African village, and books – tons of books.
I have enough clothes, my computer works fine, so does my phone, we already have cookware, I prefer fresh fruit and steaks that cost less than a Stealth bomber, the only class I would want would be one on how to stop these catalogs. For sure, I don’t need any candy, UPS won’t let me ship a goat, and, Lord knows I’ve got books stacked up to the point of avalanche danger.
Sometimes, however, a catalog shows up that has great entertainment value. We got one last week that was, as Dawn described it, “Every ‘As Seen On TV’ item ever created.” A perfect description if ever there was one. This catalog was a hefty Time Magazine sized thing with about sixty pages. Between you and me, I’d bet five bucks that everything in there was made either in China or Taiwan. (I know, they both claim that the other is just part of their country. Let them squabble it out. I’m not getting involved.)
As we paged through this catalog we commented several times with either, “Gee, I never knew that existed,” or “Why does this exist?”
There may be someone out there who would want their very own “Eyebrow Scissors – $4.00.” I don’t want to meet them, but I wish them a happy trim. Someone thought they saw a need and have tried to answer it. This could be a big seller among orangutans and professional football players.
Or what about the “Mini Shopping Cart – $7.00?” This item is a fine recreation of your basic supermarket shopping cart, complete with the little fold down plastic flaps that allow you to park little Jimmy or Susie right there in the cart. The fact that the cart is only about five inches tall might get in the way, but what in the heck is the point here? Forget “Ten items or less,” this isn’t going to hold one item – unless you fill it with green jellybeans and pretend that they are watermelons. This requires further study.
Some items just held me in silent awe. Such as (Slide number one, please.). A booklet entitled,
“101 Things To Do With A Toaster Oven.”
I’m a grown-up. I’ve been around the block a few times, but after four or five things to do with a toaster oven, I’m lost. Beyond that it gets either scary or kinky – or both. I can’t even imagine anything beyond fifteen or so that doesn’t break the laws of physics and the State of Indiana.
What kind of person does the research for a booklet like that? I doubt that even NASA would get out of the thirty to forty range, even by utilizing the weightlessness aboard the International Space Station. I’m not going to be able to look up in the sky ever again and see it pass overhead without wondering.
Yes, this catalog does exist and we get it, along with several pounds of others, delivered direct to our mailbox. No wonder our Letter carrier nee Mailman looks askance at me whenever he sees me.