I Could Use A Half Billion Dollars, Thank You
THIS PAST WEDNESDAY the Powerball Lottery drawing Grand Prize had reached 500 million dollars. Wow! Half a billion dollars! That would keep you off of food stamps for a while.
For reasons I’m still not sure of, the State Lottery Commission decided that the drawing needed some additional allure. They set up a publicity stunt here in Terre Haute. I guess they felt that the smell of all that money wasn’t enough.
As soon as I turned on the early morning local news I was informed by a very pleasant lady from the State, accompanied by some dude dressed up as a “Powerball,” (He really looked more like the Kool-Aid Pitcher with a huge beer belly.) that at noon they would be giving away 500 free chances to win the Jackpot. This give-away was going to take place at the Kroger supermarket just down the street from me.
Great. Just flippin’ great. At noon. In my neighborhood.
An unfortunate statistic afoot is that Terre Haute leads the State of Indiana in the number of Meth labs. It is a real problem here. My immediate concern was that this Powerball Freebie Give-away was going to bring every Meth-head in the area into my ‘hood’ looking for a free lottery ticket.
One important fact to keep in mind about Methamphetamine users is that brain cells quickly become a rare commodity, as well as teeth, muscle control and the ability to recognize reality.
My fear was that this event at the Kroger was going to turn into a convention of blithering idiots, all of them with the attention span of a fruit fly. I was thinking that those in line would become impatient, newcomers would try to cut in line, and that a contingent of street thugs would drop by to pick off the stumbling hopeful millionaires in the parking lot.
Later in the afternoon I couldn’t resist it. I had to go down the street to the Kroger to see how things went – and to pick up a pot pie or two.
I asked a couple of the Kroger gals about the event and they both said, “It was fine. It took longer than I expected though.”
When I told them of my fears they both agreed again. “Oh, there were some of them, alright, but we had LOTS of security. They didn’t get too far out of line.”
So, the event went off with only minor glitches. I am both pleased and disappointed. I really didn’t want anyone to be hurt, but I didn’t think they could pull it off.
Does this make me a curmudgeon or just a cynical old geezer?
Please use the comments section to cast your vote on this question.
Vote early and vote often (just like Chicago).
UPDATE: OK, so I didn’t win. It was a 50/50 thing anyway. I figured I either would win – or not.