Goin’ To The Chapel – Not

INFORMATION HAS REACHED these tender ears that the engagement of Charles Manson and Afton Elaine Burton aka “Star” has been called off. The bride is distraught and the groom has stormed back to the far corner of his cell to be alone.

My first thought was that maybe Charlie was just getting pre-wedding jitters. It is a big step after all and maybe he felt that he just wasn’t ready to settle down. He’s never been the rose covered cottage and white picket fence kind of boy.

Was it just a physical attraction? She denies that.

Maybe they couldn’t agree on how to raise the kids – Atheist or Satan Worshipper.

Boy, I was wrong.

Word has escaped from behind the walls of the California State Prison in Corcoran, California that the Groom, 80 years of age, became upset when he learned that his fiancée, aged 27, only wanted to marry him so that she would have legal custody of his corpse when he dies. Apparently, she had plans to have him mummified ala Vladimir Lenin (not John Lennon) and put on public display (for 25 cents a peek is my guess). This hurt Charlie’s feelings and, if his past is any indicator, this is not something you want to do. I hear he has a bit of a temper.

It is such a shame. I understand that they had already picked out a pattern for their dinnerware (aluminum with matching sporks).

Charlie should have known something was amiss when he learned that “Star” was on the bridal registry at both Allied Van Lines and Birdseye Frozen Foods. This girl had plans that Charlie just couldn’t live with.

I guess that their hope of getting matching swastika tattoos is off as well.

Now that the nuptials are cancelled perhaps I should try to get a refund on my gift: His ‘n Her Shivs.

Easy come, easy go.

As the Katy Perry song says, “Cause I’m still breathing. This sickness has no cure. Best abandon ship.”

Or just about anything by Taylor Swift.

Single Post Navigation

← Older Entry

Newer Entry →