Monday

IT IS MONDAY and I do not have enough enthusiasm about anything that might prevent mental erosion. A light breeze has stirred up the dust that is covering my thought process. But before the dust can be completely dispersed it settles back into place, giving me the appearance of having a smooth brain. On Mondays I am no more than a lemur. All I can say about that is that at least my mother’s wishes were fulfilled – I was born a mammal. On Mondays that is about it. On most other days I can climb down out of that evolutionary tree and lift my dragging knuckles to walk upright, albeit with a bit of a limp.

It is a Monday and the temperatures have been falling. Yesterday it was 65 degrees and today it is topping out at 33. It is a double whammy in that I cannot adorn it all with comments about how beautiful all the leaves were. They’re dead, people! Those leaves have been shed to prepare for winter. Only the Evergreens keep their leaves that evolution has pulled into needles – kind of what I do on cold evenings when I wrap myself in a blanket and brace myself for the snowfall.

And my sinuses are busy draining. Who opened the floodgates in my head? Actually, it is alternating between a tidal surge and blocking up like the Interstate Highway after a 37 car pileup. I’m feeling like Gene Wilder in “The Producers,” when he is being accosted by Zero Mostel.

“I’m wet. I’m wet, and I’m in pain.”

 What a mess I am today.

I’m whining I know. Let me wallow around in it a bit – sort of like a beagle on the trail of a weasel.

I know that this will all pass and I’ll feel better, just not for a few hours more – maybe until after midnight and it becomes an Anti-Monday.

What several people have said that I need, in theory, is comfort food, but I’m not hungry so it wouldn’t be comforting. I would just feel stuffed and bloated. This would not help my diet. What a pretty picture, no?

Today the person at the register at the coffee shop asked me, “How are you today.” I know she is not listening when I tell her, “Reasonable. That’s all I’m aiming for today”. Realistically, I think my choices were either ‘reasonable’ or “I’m going up into the clock tower with a deer rifle.”

“That’s nice. What can I get you today?”

See what I mean? She was not listening to me and, honestly, I was barely listening to myself. Why would I, or she, want to really listen to my mewing about how I’m dealing with today? It isn’t interesting, funny, motivational, or entertaining by any standard except perhaps to a sado-masochistic hypochondriac, or a therapist and who cares what that person might think? 

Mondays are not my favorite days of the week. In fact, they fall into about eighth or ninth place – right after “The car is making funny noises Day” and “You might want to see a doctor about that Day”.

The Media are calling today “Cyber-Monday,” indicating that this is a good day to buy electronic goods and gizmos. I translate it into, “Use the credit card to buy something I really don’t need, want or would be able to operate with any degree of dexterity Day.” I think I’ll wait until Tuesday, Wednesday or “I think I’ll spend my money on something I can really use Day,” before I reach for my wallet.

OK, that’s enough. I’m feeling better now. Thank you for bearing with me through this rant and online pity-party. I promise not to do it too often. After all, even I find it a bit depressing.