Welcome to the @##^&!!@# Winter
It is cold today. I’m not talking “cold” by Miami Beach standards. I’m talking cold by the joints in my body cold. The lovely Weather Bunny on the TV this morning said that it was 10 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I don’t care who you are, that’s cold. It is even colder if you have knees, hips and elbows three times as old as the Weather Bunny. I grant you that the fact that I have lost about 40 lbs. or so is going to help. Less pressure on those joints has to be a plus factor. However it doesn’t make those joints any younger and, contrary to popular opinion, it is not easy to get parts for a make and model this old.
Along with this recent drop in temperature we have had our first measurable snowfall of the season. I hate snow. I know that “hate” is a powerful word, but I can’t think of any word stronger.
I hear people saying, “Oh, but isn’t the snow so pretty? It’s just like a Christmas card.” It is pretty for the first fifteen minutes or until I have to go outside into it, whichever comes first. After that all resemblance to any Christmas card I’ve ever seen ends. After that it all looks like slipping, sliding, falling, shivering, scraping, and bent sheet metal to me.
You will notice that I did not say shoveling in that list. I do not shovel, just like I don’t mow in summer. That is why God invented teenagers. I quit shoveling snow the day after my late Uncle dropped dead in his driveway with a snow shovel in his hand. I am older than he was when he hit the pavement.
I grant you that there are many positive aspects to winter. This is the Holiday Season when friends and family get together and we can celebrate the Lord’s coming. We can also celebrate the NFL Playoffs and the approach of Spring Training and the return of Baseball.
God first, Baseball second.
One of the best parts of winter, on a more personal basis, is that we will soon pack up and head to visit family in southern Texas. It doesn’t get cold and snowy there very often. It has happened, but rarely enough that, when it does, the local newspaper puts out a special edition and publishes an actual book filled with commemorative photos. Some people just have it too easy.
I imagine that you have picked up on my general feelings toward winter. I’m not its number one fan. But there are people who love winter and can’t wait until they see that first snowflake. Personally I think that these people are in serious need of professional help, and I don’t mean the professional ski instructors in Vail. However, these folks are adults and I am not responsible for them. I am neither their parent, nor the person who controls their medication levels. If I were I would administer a large dose of “Getreal,” a palliative that would help them to realize and empathize with the bulk of humanity that greets the arrival of winter with groans and muttered curses. OK, so maybe not the bulk of humanity. The bulk of humanity lives in semi or full-blown tropical climes as was meant to be.
Does this mean that I should be directing my enmity toward those Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon jokers who migrated to Norway or some other icy location about a million years ago? I’m here, they’re gone (except for the few Neanderthals who remain on the rules committee of Major League Baseball) so they wouldn’t feel the sting of my rebuke. Instead I’m left to verbal dumping here about it all. So it goes.
OK, take a breath and carry on, but be careful, it is slippery out there.